Shattered
by xana4
Summary: She has issues that keep her from getting too close to him. But what happens when he needs her the most and she doesn't even know who he is? Densi and some Drama
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I'm in a very dark mood so this story just happened to pop out. I plan to make it a story and not just a one-shot but only if you guys like it. Let me know your thoughts about it. Enjoy ;-)**

_People say that good days happen when you least expect them. _

_Sometimes, the days you think that are going to be good, great even, turn out to be just normal. And you feel let down because that one day you looked forward to was nothing but ordinary. You get your hopes down when there's another day coming up after that, another one that is supposed to be great. You already know chances are it won't be that great. _

_The best days are the ones that seem normal right from the start. You wake up and feel like it's going to be just a normal day. However, every once in a while, you get a pleasant surprise and that day turns out to be better than great. It turns out to be one of those days you will never forget, one of those days you will talk about for the rest of your life. _

_There's only one problem with that. Same thing happens when it comes to a bad day. They come when you least expect them to. When you think your days is going down on pat, everything shifts and things don't go the way they should, the way you planned them to. _

_It's frustrating, infuriating and even a bit crazy. The sad part is that those days, the bad ones you don't expect to come, are also the ones that will never leave your mind. Those days are the ones you will also remember forever._

_And maybe that's okay. _

_They say that as long as the good memories are enough to overcome the bad ones, you're good. But you're not. That's just a lie people say to make themselves feel better. Because, every once in a while, something happens that cuts you so deep you will never heal. _

_Sometimes, you feel like your heart is shattering into a billion of pieces and that not any kind of glue will be able to put it all back together. Those are the days in which you just want to go home, curl in a ball and cry yourself to sleep. Those are the days in which you pray for a better future, even though you don't really believe in God. _

**X**

She doesn't know how this happened.

She doesn't know how it happened.

She's a good agent, a great one. Every single assessment she has about her work it's a positive one. Bosses and co-workers have nothing but good things to say about the way Kensi Marie Blye works. And that's a good thing. That makes her want to keep doing her job as well as she has been doing up until now. It would make her father proud, or so she thinks.

But she can't figure out how this happened, or why it happened.

When she wakes up in a foreign room, her clothes scattered all around what looks to be a cheap motel room and her head aching so bad it nearly makes her cry, she can't figure out how she got here.

She gets up as fast as she can and immediately regrets it because the pounding on her head seems to get stronger.

This is not a hangover, she's sure of it. She has dealt with some pretty nasty hangovers but this doesn't feel like it, for some reason.

Kensi manages to steady herself enough to put all her clothes on and grabs her cellphone. She dials a number she knows by heart and waits patiently for him to pick up.

She knows he will pick up. He always does.

She's not sure of how he will react when she tells him that she's in a foreign room in God-knows-where and that her head is about to burst. But that's a problem to deal with later on.

The point is that she knows he will try his best not to lecture her, not to judge her. That's who he is. He's her friend, the one who is always there to hold her hand when she is so scared she can barely breathe.

When his voice comes from the other side, sleepy and confused, she can't help but allow some relief to wash over her.

At least she won't be alone for much longer.

But, as she hears his voice, it hits her like a ton of bricks.

The magnitude of what's happening here takes over her mind.

She's alone in a motel room in what looks to be the bad side of town, her head is aching and she was naked. She has no memory from the night before and it scares her like nothing ever did before. Something is definitely not right and she has the feeling a trip to the hospital might be required.

He seems to sense something is definitely not right and uses his gentler voice to ask her where she is. Kensi whispers the name of the crappy motel and he promises to be there as soon as he can, asking her to remain calm before hanging up the phone.

She sits on the bed and waits.

Five minutes go by without any signs of him.

She gets up and goes to the bathroom to check her appearance on the mirror. Her hair is a mess and her makeup is smudged all over. Her eyes are bright red and she has enough training to know she has been drugged.

God, this can't be happening.

She tries her best to comb her hair with her fingers and cleans all evidences of makeup from her face. She needs to tell him what is happening but doesn't need him to figure it out just by looking at her messy appearance.

Her phone rings after a few minutes and she picks it up. He tells her he's outside, asks her to come down.

Kensi leaves the room as fast as she can and finds him outside, waiting for her.

It seems that her attempt to hide her state while in the bathroom didn't help because he frowns as soon as she gets near.

She knows that look. He wants answers and he wants them now.

"Do you want to tell me why I had to drive to this part of town to come pick you up?"

That does it for her.

She breaks down and cries, something she never does. He gathers her in his arms, figuring that something is really wrong with her.

She doesn't seem to calm down so he makes her lift her head to look him in the eye. It's not much because Kensi is the one they can never read because of that damn wall she keeps around herself. But at least she's looking at him.

It's not much but it is a start.

When he sees her red eyes, not all because of her tears, his worst fears start to come to surface, worrying him more than anything ever did before.

However, despite all that, the first thing her asks her probably doesn't show his concern. It's more about curiosity. "Why didn't you call Deeks?"

Kensi frowns and looks at Callen with a confused look on her face. "Who is Deeks?"

**X**

_When Callen calls me that morning, I'm on my way to the beach. _

_I have the feeling this is going to be a good day. The sun is shining brightly on the sky, I don't have to go to work, the waves are going to be awesome…I have the whole day ahead of me and the tools to make it a good one. _

_But he tells me he's with Kensi and that they're on their way to the hospital. He tells me that something is wrong with her. He says she has a pretty big bump on her head, her eyes are bright red and she seems to have memory issues. _

_And I just know this is going to be a bad day._

_So I get in my car and drive to the hospital as fast as I can. I probably shouldn't drive this fast but something is wrong with her and I need to be with my partner. I need to be with the woman I'm in love with._

_It all happens in a flash. _

_I'm speeding and I reach a stop sign. I stop because, even though I'm on a hurry to get to her, I don't want to get myself killed in the process. _

_But the car behind me doesn't stop._

_I feel as it hits the back of my car with too much force. The guy was speeding, just like I was._

_In my hurry to get to her I forgot my seatbelt and the force is enough to make me fly through the windscreen of my car._

_I land on the road, glass and blood all over me. _

_I hear people screaming on the street and a faint siren just before I black out._

**X**

**X**

**What do you think about it?**

**Should I continue?**

**Love,**

**Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Do you know what is like to feel powerless? Do you know that feeling that takes over you when someone you love is in danger and there is nothing you can do to help?_

_That's how I feel as I drive Kensi to the hospital. I noticed the bump on her head when I hugged her to me and made a silent promise to myself. I would find out who did this to her and make him or her pay._

_But that's not the point at the moment. _

_Do you know what it feels like to know that a bunch of doctors are more qualified to help someone you love than yourself? It feels like you're the more useless human being on face of Earth. It feels like nothing can ever be the same again just because you couldn't help. _

_She's my little sister, the only woman I would die and kill for at this moment. If something happens to her, I will kill the bastard who drugged her, beat her and dropped her into that disgusting motel._

**X**

There are many things not many people know about Hetty. She's a mystery to pretty much everyone. But there is one thing everyone that knows her minimally well knows. She cares about her agents. In fact, she would do anything for any of her agents.

Callen is not surprised when he sees her walk into the waiting room of the hospital. He didn't tell her about Kensi but she has ways to always know everything that is going on at all times.

However, Hetty does seem quite surprised to see him there.

She walks to him and frowns.

"Mr. Callen, what are you doing here?"

Callen frowns at that, not understanding what is going on here. "I'm here because of Kensi. Isn't that why you're here?"

Hetty shakes her head. "I'm here because of Mr. Deeks. I'm his next of kin. What happened to Miss Blye?"

Callen gets up, realizing there is something about this story he doesn't know and not liking it at all. "Kensi called me this morning. She woke up in a disgusting motel all the way across town. She was alone and it seems like someone drugged her. I spotted a big bump on the back of her head and figured I should drive her to the hospital. She doesn't seem to remember Deeks, though, so I'm kind of worried. I called Deeks and Sam. What happened to Deeks?"

Hetty sighs and sits on the chair of the waiting room. "Deeks was in a car crash a few minutes ago. He stopped at a stop sign but the car behind him didn't. I guess he must have been in a real hurry to leave his house because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, something that is not like him. The force of the impact made him fly through the front window of his car. I don't know much about his condition. I believe doctors are with him as we speak. Has anyone spoken to you about Kensi, yet?"

Callen shakes his head and sits back down on the chair.

This seems to be a hell of a mess and he's having a very hard time wrapping his head around everything.

For some reason, someone drugged Kensi, took her to a motel room and abandoned her there. She can't remember her own partner and called him instead. He called Deeks and because of that he was in a serious car crash. He puts his head on his hands and breathes in a couple of times, trying to calm himself down.

This can't be happening.

This has got to be a very bad nightmare. He wants to wake up and realize this was all just a bad dream.

He can't lose Kensi. He can't lose Deeks.

Hell, Kensi and Deeks can't lose each other.

As much as they both tried to deny it time and time again, they have a thing. Everyone can see it. Their stubbornness and issues are the only things getting in their way to be together.

He can't even imagine what would be like to tell Kensi that Deeks was dead and he can't even imagine what would be like to have to tell Deeks Kensi was dead.

He doesn't want that to happen. He doesn't want to be the one to tell them that.

He doesn't want that to happen. They deserve a chance to be together. They deserve as much happiness and humanly possible.

The doctor that received Kensi walks in and Callen stands up immediately. Hetty seems to understand what is going on and stands up to. "Miss Blye was indeed drugged. However, the drug is no longer affecting her and is almost out of her system. Someone gave her roofies, also known as the rape drug. We examined her but there are no signs of rape, or any sexual relations for the matter. That means she didn't have sex with anyone in the past 24 hours. The bump on her head caused her a slight injury that seems to be affecting her memory. She believes it is 2009, three years ago. It's a temporary condition, though. A lot of rest and some patience is all she needs. We will discharge her is half an hour as long as she has someone to take care of her."

Callen nods, relieved to hear that whoever did this didn't rape her too. That was one of his worst fears, actually. "Don't worry, doctor. I will stay with her and take care of her."

The doctor nods and walks away. Callen and Hetty let out sighs of relief but they know it is too soon to do that. They need to know what is going on with Deeks too.

Kensi will be okay and they will find out who did this to her. Callen sends a text to Sam to let him know she is going to be okay. The only reason why he's not sitting next to them right now is because his wife is out of town for the weekend and he has to take care of the kids.

A few minutes later, another doctor walks in and asks for family or friends of Marty Deeks. Callen stands up along with Hetty and the man walks to them. "Mr. Deeks suffered a severe head trauma. It seems like he was able to soften the impact of his head on the ground with his arms but the force he hit against the window was enough to injury him. We will keep him here, seeing as he is unresponsive."

Hetty nods. "Is he going to be okay, doctor?"

The doctor sighs. "I'm afraid I can't tell you that. The next 24 hours will be critical. If he wakes up that will be great and he will have a good recovery. If he doesn't, we will have to perform some tests to see if he's brain is still functioning. A nurse will come and call you as soon as he's taken to a room. Then you will be able to see him. "

The doctor leaves and Callen along with Hetty sit on the chairs. They know what that means. If he doesn't wake up within 24 hours, he might be in brain death. Worst case scenarios keep going through their minds and only stop when Kensi walks in.

She seems tired but Callen sees some relief in her eyes. She was afraid of what the doctors would find out upon examining her too.

Hetty turns to Callen and he can see the brightness of unshed tears in her eyes. He doesn't think he has ever seen her cry but it seems like having two of her agents in these conditions is getting to her.

"Mr. Callen, take Miss Blye home and stay there with her. I will stay here with Mr. Deeks."

Callen nods and Kensi seems confused. "Is everything okay? You haven't told me who is that Deeks you were talking about earlier…"

Callen sighs and takes her hand to try to comfort her. "Kensi, Deeks is your partner. He's a bit sick right now but Hetty will stay with him and I'll go home with you."

Kensi nods and they both leave the hospital. The drive is silent but suddenly, Callen turns the car around and starts driving towards the hospital once again. Kensi looks at him with a frown, obviously confused with his actions.

But he quickly tells her what's going on. "Kensi, I know you don't remember him but he's your partner and he's badly hurt. You need to be by his side right now."

She just nods and he has the feeling she gets it, somehow. She might not remember him but the word partner still means a lot to Kensi.

He knows she will stay by Deeks side no matter what, even though she doesn't remember him. The only thing she needs to know is that he's her partner.

Callen knows there's a chance Deeks won't make it. He hopes that doesn't happen but, if it does, he doesn't want to be the one to explain Kensi when she regains her memory why did her partner die while she was in her house instead of being with him.

She needs to be by his side.

Deeks needs her by his side.

**X**

_Do you know what it feels like to be completely powerless? _

_Do you know what is like to see someone you care about suffer while you have to stand there and do nothing?_

_I might not be able to help Deeks at this moment but I do what I can. I make sure that he has Kensi by his side._

_And I hope that he senses her there. I hope that's enough to make him want to wake up. _

_I hope that's enough to make him fight._

_It sucks to feel powerless. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Do you know what is like to feel alone?_

_I'm not talking about that feeling you have when you're actually alone. No, that one I can deal with._

_I'm talking about that feeling of loneliness you have when you're surrounded by people. It sounds crazy, I know. And you're probably thinking how is it possible for me to feel alone when there are people around me._

_But I do feel alone and I don't even know why. I can't remember the past three years of my life but I would be willing to bet my partner was more than that for me. If not, why would I feel so alone?_

_Even though my brain doesn't seem to remember anything about him, I still feel alone just because he's not there with me. It scares me_

_I'm the girl who is never scared but this is scary. How can I feel alone without him when I can't even remember him?_

**X**

The moment Callen walks back into the hospital with Kensi, Hetty doesn't even blink.

She knew this would eventually happen. Even though Kensi has no memory, Callen must have told her just how bad Deeks condition really is at the moment. And he's her partner.

Hetty is not even going to think about a good definition for what they are. It's not the time or place to do such a thing.

They are more than partners. That much she's sure of.

They are friends and that's pretty obvious, something they don't even try to hide.

But there's something more. There's something that brings them closer to each other, almost like an invisible force that keeps pulling them together.

Hetty has to admit she didn't see this one coming. She always knew Kensi needed someone different from her but she had no idea Deeks would be that person. Well, she's not sure if he is that person quite yet. She's almost sure he isn't. They are both good agents, professional liars, but not even they could hide such a big secret from Hetty. Or at least she hopes they couldn't.

She sure would love to be the first one to know. After all, in some twisted way, she was the one who brought them together when she hired Deeks as their liaison officer.

Callen doesn't say a word but Hetty nods and talks to him. "Tell Sam to hire a babysitter. You two go and find out who did this to Kensi. We'll both stay here with Deeks."

Kensi keeps looking around, trying to spot a familiar face.

A part of her is hoping she will recognize her partner as soon as she sees him. That's a possibility.

She knows that some patients with this kind of memory issues get their memories back when they see someone who is special for them. She's not entirely sure how special this Deeks is for her but he's her partner. That's got to be something big. She has always been close to her partners.

Of course, the last partner she remembers having was Renko and Callen told her that was four years ago. But, still, she was close to Renko.

Callen gives Hetty a pointed look and the other woman knows exactly what it means.

Callen has always been very protective when it comes to Kensi, looking at her like a little sister. That protectiveness went down a bit when Deeks joined them and proved that he cared as much about Kensi as he did. But, now that she can't remember her partner and that said partner is lying on a hospital bed unconscious, Callen is feeling all of that coming back full force.

She's his little sister again and he won't allow anything bad to happen to her. He's going to make sure she's alright.

Hetty reassures him quickly, understanding all of that. "I will keep an eye on her, Mr. Callen. She's safe with me."

Callen nods, kisses Kensi's cheek in a rare gesture of affection and walks out of the hospital.

Hetty looks at the woman in front of her.

The calm federal agent she knows Kensi is looks a lot like a scared and lost little girl.

Hetty guides her to Deeks room and opens the door, motioning her to go inside.

Kensi steps in and looks at the man in the bed. His hair is blonde, fluffy it seems. He is in bad shape, she can tell. But she doesn't recognize him. She wishes she could just look at him and have all her memories back. But she looks at him and the only thing she can feel is pity for the unknown man lying on that hospital bed. He's her partner. She should recognize him.

He clearly needs her and she can't even remember his first name. It's frustrating.

Kensi sits on a chair next to the bed and keeps her eyes trained on his face. Hetty is sitting on the couch by the door with a somewhat troubled look on her face.

Kensi takes a deep breath and breaks the silence. "Can you tell me more things about him? I don't remember anything and I think I should. I mean, he's my partner and he's not okay. I need to be here for him. I wish I could remember everything. I wish I could remember him, Hetty."

One of the first rules about temporary amnesia is that patients need to remember things on their own. The doctors say no one should tell them anything about their life. They need to remember all by themselves.

But Hetty knows her request is more than reasonable and can't keep her in the dark. So she tells her some things, being careful not to tell her anything too revealing.

"Your partner is a very brave man. He keeps you safe, even when you insist you don't need anyone to have your back. He's a good man and that's all you need to know for now."

Kensi knows Hetty can't tell her anything else either but that's enough at the moment.

It's only when Hetty leaves to go get something for them to eat that she allows herself to talk to him.

It's ridiculous because she's pretty sure he can't listen to anything she says. But, for some reason, the idea of talking to him seems to comfort her. Maybe that will help him come back too, or so she hopes. Just because she doesn't remember him it doesn't mean he can't remember her.

And if they're partners he should listen to what she has to say.

"Look, I don't really remember you and I feel kind of stupid to be talking to someone who probably can't listen to me but you need to wake up. You're my partner and I'm sure you know I'm a bit crazy. Eventually, I'm going to need you to have my back. Even though I don't even know your name right now, I would hate if something bad happened to you."

The day goes by a lot faster than they originally expected and, before they know it, the sun sets and night comes.

Kensi falls asleep on the couch, the events of the day obviously taking their toll on her.

Hetty covers her with a blanket she asked one of the nurses and sits on the chair next to Deeks bed.

It's two a.m. when she feels him move. It's just a twitch on his finger at first but then he opens his eyes.

Hetty calls the doctor who walks into his room as silently as possible to avoid waking up Kensi and checks his vitals. After whispering to Hetty that he's going to be just fine, the doctor walks out of the room.

Deeks is looking at Kensi and is only when Hetty clears her throat softly that he finally talks, his voice a bit raspy. "How is she?"

Hetty explains him everything and sees him taking every bit of information in. After she's done, Deeks settles back against the pillows and falls asleep too, comforted by the fact that she's going to be okay, even though she can't remember him at the moment.

And, in the morning when he wakes up, she is waking up too. She looks at him, gives him a smile and walks out of the room.

Deeks just sighs. He knows he can't blame her for leaving but he was hoping she would stay by his side.

**X**

_Do you know what is like to feel alone?_

_I know. _

_And I also know that, even though I still can't remember him, the moment he stared at me with those ocean blue eyes, I stopped feeling alone. _

_I stopped being scared._

_Who is this man and what kind of power does he have over me?_


	4. Chapter 4

_There are things you can't explain. I'm sure you've come across something you can't find an explanation for, or at least a reasonable one. _

_It's one of those things that are a part of life, of what we are._

_Sometimes, something categorized as weird happens and we can't find a way to explain why or how. _

_People call those things mysteries. I was never one to believe in such ridiculous things._

_I always thought there was a perfectly good explanation for every single thing. I always thought the things I couldn't explain were only like that because I hadn't tried hard enough to figure them out._

_I always thought there was nothing I couldn't find an explanation for._

**X **

Hetty gets up from her seat on the waiting room as soon as Callen and Sam walk through the doors of the hospital. "Do we have anything new, gentleman?"

Callen would never dare to say the words out loud but she looks tired. And he gets that. Hetty is the type of person who cares about her agents and two of her team members managed to land in the hospital in less than 24 hours. That's one of those things that takes a tool on people and not even the operations manager can fight against it.

He answers her question, knowing that she needs answers as much as he does, as they all do. "We spoke to the owner of the motel. He saw a man with Kensi and gave us a description along with the description of his car."

Sam takes over, looking around and spotting Kensi sitting on a chair a few feet away from them. "It matched Jack's description and we found out he owns a car just like the one the man saw. We showed him a picture and he identified him as the man that took Kensi to the motel room. How are things around here?"

Hetty seems relieved that there is one less mystery to solve but the tiredness and worry is still very present in her eyes, her ability to hide it long gone. "The doctor is inside the room taking care of Mr. Deeks. He is now awake. I think Sam can handle Jack on his own. I want you to take Kensi home, Mr. Callen. Mr. Deeks is going to be fine so there is no need for her to stay here and torture herself while trying to regain her memories."

Callen sighs and notices Kensi for the first time since he walked in. She looks rather troubled and she's too quiet for his taste. It's scary to see her like this, so fragile. Kensi is anything but fragile and this woman doesn't look like his little sister at the moment. He wants nothing more than help her. "She still thinks it's three years ago?"

Hetty nods and doesn't make them wait for an answer. "The last thing she remembers is sitting on her couch one night with you. I'm guessing those memories are from after you got shot, when you stayed with her the three weeks after you left the hospital. That was three years ago. And you, Mr. Callen, were the only one she fully trusted three years ago. Ergo, you're the only one she fully trusts at the moment."

Sam nods. He gets the connection between Callen and Kensi and knows better than anyone else that she needs Callen by her side right now. It's not optional. She's broken and can't remember her own partner. "I'll go and find Jack, then. Call me if anything changes."

Hetty nods. "Take Mr. Renko with you."

Sam sees as Callen starts walking slowly towards Kensi and nods at Hetty. "I already called him. He's meeting me at the boathouse in ten minutes."

He doesn't think he has ever seen his partner this worried before. Kensi is his family, the one person in this world he would do anything for. Sam leaves the hospital, ready to find and arrest the man who did this to Kensi.

Meanwhile, Callen sits next to Kensi. She looks at him and offers him a small smile. "Kenz, are you ready to go home?"

She opens her mouth to answer him but hesitates for a few seconds. The worry he sees in her eyes is something she doesn't even try to disguise. Then, after giving it some thought, she turns to him and her voice trembles slightly when she speaks. "Is he going to be okay?"

Callen rubs her back to try to comfort her and calm her down. "Deeks is a tough guy. We're not getting rid of him that easily. He's going to be just fine. Come on, girl."

They get up and she is still hesitating. "Okay, but he's not going to stay here all alone, right?"

Callen gives her a kiss on the forehead and starts guiding her towards the door, a hand on the small of her back. "Hetty is going to stay here with him."

Kensi nods, a bit more relaxed now. "She works with us, now?"

Callen bids Hetty good bye and guides Kensi to his car, a small smile on his face. "Yes, she replaced Macy. But that's enough with the questions. You need to remember things on your own and not because I told you."

They get in the car and he starts driving to her house, knowing she will be more comfortable there than on his. It's only halfway there that she breaks the silence, her eyes not looking away from the streets and her voice close to a whisper. "I think I hurt him."

He hears her, though, and frowns in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Kensi turns to him and sighs. "When I left the room, right after I saw he was awake, I saw something in his eyes. He wanted me to stay there. But I couldn't stay, Callen. I couldn't stay there with a partner I can't even remember. I think I hurt him."

Callen doesn't take his eyes off the road but a small smile plays on his lips. "He'll forgive you."

Kensi shakes her head, looking sad and slightly defeated. "How can you be so sure of that?"

Even though her voice sounds unsure, he's anything but when he answers her. "He's your partner. He'll forgive you. Stop thinking about that, Kensi. Everything will be okay."

Callen is not sure of how long it will take for things to be okay but he knows everything will eventually fall into place. The Universe can't be that cruel.

**X**

It's only a week later that the doctor discharges him. The week in the hospital seemed to go by a lot faster when he was shot, partially because Kensi was by his side during that week. Now, she can't even remember who he is. Deeks knows she's in good hands, knows that no one is capable of taking care of her better than Callen. But there's that worry he can't seem to shake off. He needs to see her, needs to make sure she's okay and getting better. It's one of those things he can't really understand. He just knows he won't be able to fully relax until he sees her, until he holds her in his arms.

Therefore, the first thing he says when Sam walks inside his room to take him home, is a question about the woman that just won't leave his mind. "How's Kensi?"

Sam is already used to this by now. He comes to visit Deeks every single day and that's always his first question. So he answers him with a smile on his face, meant to relax him. "Callen has been staying with her and taking care of her during this past week. She'll be okay as soon as she recovers her memory."

His next question catches him a bit off guard but he should have seen it coming. "Do you think I can go and see her?"

Sam sighs and helps him with his bag. "Three years ago, Callen was the only one she trusted. You can go and see her but don't expect to see the Kensi you're used to deal with. She won't trust you or get too close to you."

Deeks frowns and follows Sam to the door of the hospital. "She didn't trust you three years ago?"

Sam shrugs and holds the door open for him to walk outside. "She trusted me but not nearly as much as she trusted Callen. He was her mentor. He taught her a lot of things. That's the kind of bond you can't break."

They walk to the car in silence but, once there, Deeks speaks once again and, this time, his request doesn't surprise him. "I want to go see her."

Sam shakes his head. "No, you need to go see her."

He frowns as Sam puts his bag on the back of the car and waits for the other man's answer to his next question. "Is there a difference?"

Sam nods and closes the trunk. "Yes, there is. If you want to see Kensi, you can easily change your mind. But, if you need to see Kensi, nothing anyone does or says will make you change your mind. And I'm sure you need to see her."

Deeks doesn't even have to think about that one. He nods and gets inside the car with Sam. "You're right on that. I need to see her."

Sam nods and grabs his phone. "I'll text Callen and tell him we're on our way, then."

**X**

Callen is sitting on the couch, watching TV, when he receives the text from Sam. He smiles. He knew this would happen all along. They all knew Deeks would want to come and see Kensi the minute he was out of the hospital.

He hears Kensi call him and he's on his feet even before she finishes her sentence, just because there is something different with her voice. "Callen, can you come here?"

He finds her in her bedroom with a framed picture in her hands, sitting on the floor. Callen walks to her and sits on the floor next to her. "What's wrong?"

Kensi answers him, her eyes never leaving the picture in her hands. "I was just seeing a few pictures and came across this one."

Callen looks at the picture and smiles. It's Kensi wearing a bikini and Deeks carrying her in his arms. They're both wearing huge smiles on their faces, even though Kensi protested a lot when he first picked her up. After that, Deeks carried her to the water and they played for a good twenty minutes, just like two little kids without a care in the world. It was a good afternoon.

She's waiting for him to say something so he clarifies it for her, being careful not to give anything too revealing away. She still needs to get her memories on her own. "I took that after an undercover operation on the beach."

Her voice is a whisper when she dares to speak again and he can hear the worry in that tone of voice. "Callen, are we a couple?"

He shakes his head, understanding that her worry was because she was afraid she couldn't remember her own boyfriend. "No, you two are not a couple."

There's still something nagging her, though. Her eyes are still glued to the picture. "Were we ever a couple?"

Callen shakes his head once again. "No, Kenz, you two were never a couple. Why do you ask that?"

Kensi finally looks at him. "When I saw this picture of the two of us together, my heart started beating faster and I don't know why."

And, for the first time since this whole thing started, he doesn't know what to tell her.

**X **

_There are things you can't explain, no matter how hard you try to._

_Now I know that. It took me too long to come across that conclusion but I know why people say that now._

_I know why people say there are things you can't find an explanation for._

_Even though my brain doesn't seem to remember him, my heart does. _

_And, that, I can't explain, no matter how hard I try to. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Have you ever missed someone so badly you can't even explain it with words?_

_Have you ever been a short amount of time away from someone but missed said someone like as if you spent a lifetime without seeing him or her?_

_I have no memory. That's something I'm having a very hard time accepting. I can't remember the past three years of my life._

_I can't remember working with Hetty, even though I know her. I can't remember trusting Sam the way Callen told me I trust now._

_I can't remember my own partner. But, for some reason, I'm getting the feeling there's something more than that to it. He can't be just my partner._

_The way I feel when I see his picture, when Callen mentions his name, is not something I should feel for a partner. And the way I miss him, even though I can't remember him, scares me beyond comprehension. _

**X **

Sam drops Deeks off in his house so he can pick up some things and his car and leaves for work. Deeks grabs everything he needs and drives to her house, anxious to see her after this week that seemed to last forever.

The moment Deeks walks through the door of her house, after parking his car outside, she does something that surprises everyone, even herself. She throws herself in his arms and hugs him. Deeks wraps his arms around her, enjoying the feeling. He knows she can't remember him but he needed this hug, needed to have her in his arms even if just for a few seconds.

When they pull back, Callen has a stunned look on his face and turns to Kensi. "Why did you do that?"

Kensi looks as surprised as Callen with her actions and takes a step back, putting some distance between them. "I have no idea. I think I missed him, even though I can't remember him."

Deeks smiles to make her calm down a bit and kisses her cheek. "I missed you too, Kensi. How are you feeling?"

Callen's phone rings and he walks to her backyard to answer it and leave them alone. "Callen told me they caught the guy who did this to me…"

They walk to the living room and sit on her couch. "That's not what I asked you. Come on, tell me."

Kensi sighs and opens up to him, without even knowing why she does it. She can't even remember him. "I'm frustrated. I can't remember the past three years of my life and no one is willing to tell me much about it. Maybe you could help me with that."

Deeks grins and shakes his head. "Nice try but I know what the doctor told you. You need to remember things on your own and that won't happen if we're the ones to tell you. Give it some time."

Kensi looks frustrated but leans back against the couch. "It's already been a week."

He nods. He knows it's been a week, a week in which he was trapped in a hospital bed while his partner needed him by her side. "These things take time to heal. You need to be patient. I know you're not good at it but you have to try. Freaking out or getting frustrated won't help you recover. It will only drive you crazy."

Kensi is about to answer him when Callen walks in and hands her his phone. "Kensi, Hetty is on the phone for you."

"I'll be right back."

She walks to the backyard to talk to Hetty and Callen sits on the couch across from the one Deeks is sitting on.

"How is she?"

Callen sighs and answers him, understanding his worry. "She's okay during the day. It bothers her that she can't remember what happened to her but she's okay. The problem is during the night. She has nightmares, awful nightmares if her screams are anything to go by. She won't tell me what they're about but she has trouble sleeping more than five hours per night."

They're in silence for a few seconds but Deeks breaks it once again. "I want to stay here with her."

There is something in his voice that tells him he's not going to change his mind about this but Callen still tries. "Deeks, you just got out of the hospital."

Deeks shakes his head and there is something in his eyes that Callen can't quite name. It's a mix between determination, worry and need. "She's my partner. I'm okay. I can take care of her…of us."

Callen knows his next argument won't stop Deeks but he needs to say it. "Kensi doesn't remember you."

The other man nods. "But she won't mind. Callen, she hugged me."

The question seems quite pointless but he needs to be sure, needs to know this is really what's best for them. "Are you sure about this?"

Deeks nods. "I want to stay with her."

Kensi walks in with a small smile on her face and hands the phone to Callen. She sits next to Deeks and frowns. "What's going on here?"

Deeks looks at Callen, waiting for him to answer her question. "I have to go back to work tomorrow. If it's okay with you, Deeks will be staying here from now on. You can take care of each other."

He holds his breath while he waits for her answer but it comes a second later and her smile doesn't falter. "Sure, that's okay."

Callen nods, relieved that she's okay with this. Any other answer would have hurt Deeks. "It's probably better if you clean the spare bedroom for him, though. I'm okay with the couch but the guy just got out of the hospital."

Kensi laughs a bit and points in the direction of the hallway. "The bedroom is the second door on the right. You two go and have fun."

Both men get up and walk to the bedroom, knowing they have a hard task waiting for them there.

**X**

They walk to the living room an hour later and she receives them with an amused smile on her face. "Is it done already? It only took you one hour…"

Deeks sits on the couch next to her shakes his head. "Your definition of fun needs some work, Kensi."

Callen grabs his things. "Well, I'm leaving. Are you two sure you'll be okay?"

Kensi nods, a small smile on her features. "We're not babies. I'll take care of him and he'll take care of me. Hetty told me he's a good partner so I trust him."

Callen nods and drops a kiss on the top of her head. "Okay, then I'm going. If you need anything, call me. I can get here in 10 minutes."

Deeks laughs. "Your house is at least 20 minutes away from here. You'd have to get a good amount of speeding tickets to get here in less than that."

Kensi laughs too, imagining what the operation's manager would do to him if he dared to do such a thing. "Hetty would kill you for that stunt."

Callen ignores that comment and looks at Deeks once again. "Make sure you feed her properly."

Deeks turns serious and nods. He understands Callen's worry better than anyone else. He spent the week at the hospital worrying about her, after all. "Callen, don't worry. She doesn't remember me but I remember her. I know she would be fine with eating junk food every single day, at every single meal. She's in good hands."

Kensi gives him a sweet smile and a kiss on the cheek. "We'll be fine, Callen."

Callen nods and leaves, trusting Deeks to take care of her.

**X**

Kensi is sitting on the living room couch, after they ate the pizza they ordered for dinner. Deeks finishes putting the garbage away and sits next to her. "We're going grocery shopping tomorrow morning."

She doesn't take her eyes off the television but answers him. "Why is that?"

Deeks notices she's watching one of those shows he would never associate with something Kensi would like to see but that she secretly loves and smiles to himself. "We need proper food. You only have junk food and some fruit."

Kensi doesn't answer him but turns to him so she can look him in the eye. "I want to ask you something."

She's so serious that he knows she's about to ask him something important. "I'm not going to tell you anything you don't remember. You have to remember things on your own."

Kensi shakes her head. "It's nothing like that."

Deeks nods, motioning for her to go on. "Then go ahead and ask."

Kensi takes a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second before opening them back up to stare into his ocean blue ones. "Do you know what my Christmas tradition is?"

He frowns, not understanding what this is about. "Are you talking about the ice cream and beer or something else?"

She nods, a small smile on her face. "I'm talking about the ice cream and beer."

"Why did you ask?"

Kensi shrugs and turns back to the TV. "I never told that to anyone but Callen."

Realization hits him like a ton of bricks and he wants to kick himself for not realizing what she was doing as soon as she asked him. "You wanted to see how much you trust me."

Kensi turns to him, the small smile still on her features, and nods. "And now I know."

Deeks nods and they sit comfortably on the couch for the rest of the evening.

**X**

He wakes up with a scream. Deeks opens his eyes and notices that it's still dark. Then, he hears her scream once again and rushes to her bedroom. She's having a nightmare. Kensi is tossing in bed, sweat covering her forehead and tiny screams leaving her lips every now and then. Deeks sits on the bed next to her and shakes her gently to wake her up.

It doesn't take much and after a few seconds her brown eyes are staring right at him. She's confused to see him there and sits on the bed, her back against the headboard just like his. "What's wrong?"

Deeks brushes her bangs away from her forehead. "You were having a nightmare."

Kensi sighs and shrugs. "I'm sure Callen warned you about that."

He nods and takes her hand in his, trying to comfort her. "Can you tell me what this one was about?"

He doesn't expect her to answer him because Callen told him she never told him what the nightmares were about. But she takes a deep breath, squeezes his hand and starts. "I was standing in front of a hospital when a black van showed up. Some guys got out of it and we fought. One of them was about to kill me but he was shot. Then I looked towards the door and saw you there, with a gun in your hand and blood all over your stomach. I was running to you when you woke me up. It felt so real, Deeks."

He's shocked for a few seconds, unable to form words. When he finally manages to speak, wonder coats his voice. "It wasn't a nightmare, Kensi."

She turns to him, confusion etched on her face. "What are you talking about?"

He can't help but smile because this is good. This is progress. "That wasn't a nightmare. It was a memory."

She's smiling too, now. "I'm remembering?"

He nods and warps his arms around her when she hugs him out of pure happiness. "Yes, I think you are."

She speaks again, not pulling away from him. "Last night I had another nightmare that felt too real. I was standing in a room, all alone, and couldn't move. If I moved, the room would blow up."

Deeks nods against her neck, his arms still wrapped around her and not wanting to let go anytime soon. "I entered said room, ready to take you out of there, when you told me to turn the lights on. We had to make the room explode to get out of there."

Kensi pulls back and looks him in the eye, still shocked. "That was also a memory?"

He lets out a small laugh and nods. "Yes, it was. Is there anything else?"

She shakes her head, her smile leaving her face. "No, there isn't. All the other nightmares are about monsters so I'm sure those weren't memories."

Deeks lifts her chin to make her look at him and offers her a warm smile. "You already remember those two things. That's progress!"

She nods and looks unsure for a moment before speaking again. "I know this is going to be a weird request but do you mind staying here with me? I feel safe when you're around…"

Deeks grins and nods. "Move over. I call dibs on the right side."

She doesn't rest her head on his chest because that feels like too much for one night but grabs his hand. "Thank you, Deeks."

Deeks kisses her forehead and closes his eyes. "Sleep, Kensi. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

And they sleep, not tangled in each other but holding hands. And it's a start.

**X **

_I can't remember my partner. I can't remember trusting him._

_But I do. I trust him, for some unknown reason. I, Kensi Marie Blye, trust this guy that looks a lot more like a surfer than a cop. _

_I missed him while he was in the hospital, even though I couldn't even remember his full name. And that scared me._

_It doesn't anymore. I feel safe when he's around, less scared. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to feel safe just because someone has his arms wrapped around me as I sleep._

_But, for some reason, that is not scary. In fact, it's quite a good feeling. _

**AN: We're taking baby-steps here because, for some reason, it doesn't feel right to just make them sleep in each other's arms when Kensi can't even remember him. And I said 'we' because my brother gave me a fantastic idea for the last chapter and I'm going to use it. Anyway, reviews are a great way to encourage me to write more and more.  
>Love,<br>Sarah**


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

Deeks is sitting on the couch of her living room, waiting for Kensi, when someone knocks on the door. He has an idea of who it might be so he gets up and opens the door, confirming his suspicions. "I knew you couldn't stay away for too long."

Callen shrugs before entering. "Can you really blame me?"

Deeks closes the door behind Callen and walks to the living room, sitting back down on the couch. "No, I can't."

He can't really blame Callen for not being able to stay more than 12 hours away from Kensi. They have that in common. They need to make sure she's okay at all times, that she's safe and in good health. Of course, the reasons they have for that aren't the same. They both love her. It's just not the same kind of love. Callen loves her like a little sister and Deeks is in love with her, in a way words can't describe. They say you know it's love when all those songs start making sense, all of a sudden. He knows it's love because he can't stay away from her, because he keeps thinking about her, because of the butterflies he feels in his stomach whenever she touches him. Yep, it is love.

Callen sits on the other couch and looks around, frowning when he doesn't see her anywhere. "Where's Kensi?"

Deeks answers him without taking his eyes off the television, trying to find something good to watch. "She's taking a shower. We're going grocery shopping because she has no real food in this house. The kitchen of McDonald's has healthier food."

Callen sighs before doing the question he's dreading the answer to. "How was the night?"

Deeks turns to him, a serious look on his face because he understands this is not a joke. "I had to wake her up in the middle of the night because of one of those nightmares you mentioned. But it wasn't a nightmare. It was a memory. She's starting to remember things like when she was almost killed in front of the hospital or when she was taken by the Russians."

Callen is shocked to hear this and it shows on his face. "She remembers you?"

Deeks shakes his head and turns back to the television, trying to hide the hurt and sadness he feels from Callen. "She remembers those two times I saved her. She doesn't remember me."

The other man seems to understand this and changes subject. "Well, we have Jack in custody."

That catches Deeks attention once again and his blue eyes are turned to him in a heartbeat. The anger Callen sees there is enough to make him realize Deeks would probably kill Jack with his bare hands if he had the chance to. "Why did he do it?"

Callen shakes his head, the answer to that question not very clear but giving him the facts. "He stopped taking his meds and came back. He says he saw her with a guy and got jealous. We're guessing he saw the two of you together, judging by his description. His words to describe the guy were 'blonde surfer'."

Deeks nods, following Callen's story and not taking his eyes off of him. "We went with Monty to the beach that afternoon, after work."

Callen sighs and looks around, to make sure they're still alone. "It would be better if she remembered what happened. We have witnesses who saw them together and he admitted he got jealous but we still don't know what happened inside that bedroom."

Callen notices that his hands are closed in tight fists, probably trying to hold back the anger he feels at the moment. "I had nightmares about that every single night while I was in the hospital."

"Sam and I have a theory. We think that he took her to that motel to rape her, after he drugged her. But she must have screamed, fought back. Someone must have heard her and went to the room. He probably got scared and ran away. But most people who go to that disgusting-looking motel only stay for the night and under fake names. It would take us forever to find a witness for that."

Deeks nods, still with his fists clenched but a bit more relaxed. "She will remember. We just need to give her some time."

Callen changes subject once again. Talking to Deeks about this is like walking through a field full of land-mines. He needs to be careful or the other man might blow up. "It's not easy to see her like this."

Deeks turns back to the TV, his way to let him know this conversation doesn't please him. "She remembers you. It could be worse."

Still, Callen presses. They need to talk about this and he won't allow him to keep it all to himself. "How are you?"

Deeks sighs and turns off the TV, turning back to Callen. "I don't know, to be honest."

Callen nods. This is progress. At least he's talking to him. "We all know how you feel. You don't have to hide it, just so you know."

The blonde man frowns, not sure of what Callen is talking about. "What do you mean?"

"Sam and I know you're in love with her. You don't have to pretend otherwise."

"And you're okay with that?"

Callen doesn't have to think about the answer to that question. It's something that has been on his mind for quite some time now. He has asked that question to himself time and time again but the conclusion was always the same. "Kensi is complicated but you already know that. We believe you can make her happy, that you can take care of her. We might have a big-brother complex when it comes to her but we can see you only mean well. You would never hurt her. I'm sure you'd rather die than hurt her in any way."

Deeks smiles at that but Callen can see a hint of sadness on his eyes. "Do you think she knew that before she lost her memory?"

That's another question Callen doesn't have to think about. He knows Kensi and knows what she's capable of. "Kensi is a bit like Hetty when it comes to that, as creepy as that sounds. She always knows. She can read people like an open book."

Deeks nods, the smile gone from his face. "And now she can't even remember me…"

And it's Callen's turn to reassure him. "As you said before, she will remember. You just need to give her some time."

Deeks is about to open his mouth to say something when Kensi walks into the room, a confused look on her face. She ignores Callen and stands right in front of Deeks. "Who's Monty?"

Deeks frowns and gets up to look into her eyes and try to understand what's going on in her mind. "Monty is my dog. Do you remember him?"

She shakes her head, confusion written all over her face. "I'm not entirely sure. I remember his name. Can I see him?"

Deeks nods, unable to deny her anything. "I'll go get him. Callen, can you stay here with her for a few minutes?"

Kensi protests, even before Callen has the chance to answer Deeks. "I'm not a baby. I can stay here on my own."

Callen gets up and steps forward, a smile on his face to try to calm her down. "Yes, we know that. But, if it's all the same for you, I'd like to stay so we can talk while he goes to get Monty for you."

Deeks grins and turns to her, a hopeful look on his face. "Can he stay?"

Kensi sighs and nods, giving up. Some battles are simply not worth fighting for and this just happens to be one of those battles she knows she can't win. "Yes, he can stay."

Deeks kisses her forehead, grabs his keys and leaves. "I'll be right back, then."

Kensi sits on the couch and Callen sits back down on his previous spot. He doesn't waste time and starts talking to her. "How are you, Kenz?"

She turns to him with a small smile on her face but he sees the sadness in her eyes. "I'm starting to remember things…"

"That's a good thing. Why do you look so sad?"

Kensi sighs and focus her attention on her hands, finding it a lot easier than to look him in the eye. "I want to remember Deeks. I have the feeling he's more than just a partner to me."

Callen reassures her both because that's his job and because he wants to believe this too. "You will remember him, don't worry."

Kensi nods and relaxes slightly. "I trust him, even though I can't remember him. It's weird."

"You're making progress. Don't think about this too much."

Then her usual spark is back on her eyes and he knows she's trying not to give this much thought. She's trying to be tough. "Do you know who did this to me?"

Callen shakes his head, the doctor's orders very present in his mind. "I can't tell you that. You need to remember on your own."

Kensi sighs and gets up. She paces in front of Callen for a while before she sits next to him, a thoughtful look on her face. "I had a dream last night. I'm not sure if it was a memory or just a dream…"

Callen frowns, not sure of where she's trying to go with this conversation. "Deeks told me about the dreams."

She shakes her head and he can tell she's nervous, for some reason. "I didn't talk about this one with Deeks."

"What was it about?"

Her voice is just a whisper when she answers him and Callen can swear she's starting to blush. "We were having sex."

And the only answer he is capable of giving her is an advice. "You should tell Deeks that."

She looks at him, trying to get an answer that will actually give her an idea of what that dream was. "Was it a memory?"

Callen lets out a small laugh, even though this situation isn't funny at all. "How am I supposed to know that? What you and Deeks do outside work is really none of my business. I have no idea if you two had sex or not. You should ask him that."

Kensi looks at him like as if he grew an extra-head. "Have you lost your mind? I can't do that!"

"Why can't you?"

She shakes her head and explains it to him. "If it was just a dream, I can't tell him I've been having that kind of dreams. That would be embarrassing."

Callen fights back the smirk that threatens to make its way to his face because he has the feeling Kensi would punch him for that. "I doubt he would see that as something to be embarrassed about…"

"I can't tell him this."

Callen nods, understanding what's going on in her mind and how confusing this all thing must be for her. "I can't make you but I still think you should try to find out if it was a dream or another memory."

"If it was a memory, I'm sure I'll remember more of it. There's no need to ask him."

He nods once again. "That's your choice."

And they don't have the time to say anything else because Deeks walks in, followed by Monty who immediately runs to Kensi. "I'm back! And here's Monty. He's really excited to see you again."

Kensi smiles, a huge smile that tells them she remembers the dog currently licking her face. "I remember going to the beach with him."

Deeks can't help but smile too, just because she seems happy. "Should I feel offended that she remembers my dog but doesn't remember me?"

Callen laughs and pats him on the back. "Given the similarities between you and Monty, I'd say she will remember you soon."

Deeks shakes his head, already used to this kind of comments from Callen and Sam. "I'm going to ignore that comment."

"Do as you wish!"

The only thing they can do is stand there and watch as Kensi plays with Monty. She's making progress and that's a good thing. It's all they can ask for.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Deeks walks around the house, the house he's so used to by now, desperately trying to find a shirt he could swear he had seen only two minutes ago. But, for some reason, he can't seem to find it anywhere. And he really wants that blue shirt, the one he likes because Kensi once said it made his eyes stand out.

"Kensi, have you seen my blue shirt?" That question seems oddly casual, like as if this is something he asks every day. Sometimes, he has to remind himself that they're only temporarily living together. This doesn't mean they are in a relationship. For God's sake, she doesn't even remember him.

Kensi's voice comes from the kitchen, where she is preparing what she calls a nice breakfast. Bacon is not what he would call a nice breakfast but he's grown used to her unhealthy eating habits by now. It's just one of those things he likes about her. So, every morning, she eats whatever she wants and he eats cereal or oatmeal because that's what an healthy breakfast should be like, in his opinion. Kensi has been eating healthier food ever since this whole thing started, he notices. Eventually, she'll come around. "It's in my bedroom, top of the nightstand."

He has no idea of how it got there but he figures it's not important either. They've been sleeping on the same bed every single night. Kensi says she feels better when he's around and he has no problem with that. His next question is kind of mumbled, as he picks up the shirt and puts it on. "How did it land there?"

Still, she hears him and answers him when he walks in the kitchen and starts preparing his own breakfast. "You said it was too hot to sleep with a shirt on."

Deeks shakes his head and pours some cereal in a bowl. "It was a rhetorical question…Anyway, I have plans for us today!"

Kensi gives him a suspicious look. She doesn't remember him but she still has a great sixth-sense. And her sixth-sense is telling her that he's up to no good. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Deeks seats across from her on the table and starts his meal, shrugging his shoulders as if this is no big deal. "We're going to the beach this afternoon."

Kensi shakes her head and starts washing her plate, done with breakfast. "It's windy. It's not the right day to even think about going to the beach. It's hot but there will be sand flying everywhere."

He sighs and she turns around to look at him. "Listen, I know you don't remember this but I'm a surfer. I've been away from the beach for three weeks now. That's it for me. I would like to bring you with me today."

Kensi seems unsure for a moment, sad even. And her voice is a whisper when she answers him. "I didn't mean to keep you away from something you love that much…"

He wants to tell her that he loves her a lot more than he loves the beach. He wants to tell her that he would always choose her first. But that's dangerous territory at the moment so he settles for ignoring her comment and carrying on like a s if she's said nothing at all. "Kensi, I know you can take care of yourself but I would feel better if you came with me. I know the beach isn't really your thing but humor me, yeah?"

She opens her mouth to say something but closes it again. The distress he sees in her eyes sets off an alarming bell inside his mind and he's standing in front of her, holding her face in his hands, before she even has the chance to blink. Her eyes meet his and the worry she sees in those ocean-blue orbs gives her the strength to speak. "It was Jack."

Deeks frowns, trying to figure out what she's talking about. "What are you talking about?"

Kensi stares into his eyes as she answers him, her voice still nothing but a whisper. "Jack did this to me…"

Deeks seems confused for a second but then his eyes widen as he makes sense of what she's saying. "You remember what happened that night?"

Kensi nods, something pretty close to fear in her eyes. He figures it has something to do with the memories of what really happened to her on the night she lost her memory. "Yes, I know exactly what happened that night."

Deeks doesn't waste time and grabs his car-keys, proceeding to guide her to the car. "We need to go talk to Callen and Sam. Come on, princess."

The ride to the OSP is quiet. Kensi is in silence and Deeks allows her to be like that. There's a lot on her mind and he can't even find the courage to ask her if she finally remembers him. As soon as they get there, Deeks guides her to the door and realizes that she doesn't remember this building. That means she still doesn't remember him.

Sam and Callen get up as soon as they enter and Deeks doesn't miss the worry on their eyes. Callen walks to her until he's standing two feet away from Kensi and scans her with his eyes, trying to see if there is something visibly wrong with her.

When he finds nothing, he questions her. "What are you two doing here? Is everything okay?"

Kensi nods and breaks her silence, her voice still so low that only the three of them can actually listen what she's saying. "It was Jack, Callen."

Callen can't form words, shocked with the hurt he sees on her eyes. But Sam steps forward, looking between Deeks pained expression and Kensi's haunted eyes. "You remember what happened?"

Kensi nods and starts explaining everything that happened. "I was at the bar I sometimes go to when he showed up. He said he wanted to talk to me but I kept telling him I didn't want to have anything to do with him. After a few minutes, I finished my drink and he showed up again. I told him he was an idiot if he thought he could make things better. That's when I got up. Everything turned blurry and I got dizzy. I felt myself fall but two arms grabbed me around the waist. When I recovered I was in that motel room, naked. He was on top of me, in his underwear. I couldn't fight him back because I was feeling too weak to even try. So I screamed. That's when he hit me with the lamp on the bedside table. I heard a knock on the door right before I lost consciousness. That's all I remember…"

Deeks can't stand it anymore and walks out of the bullpen. Sam follows him because he noticed how his fists started clenching halfway through her story.

Callen doesn't waste any time and gathers Kensi in his arms, her tears staring to fall at a rather alarming pace. He tries to comfort her, whispering soothing words in her ear, rubbing comforting circles on her back and kissing her head every now and then.

"It's over, Kensi. We'll make him pay."

Her next words come out slightly mumbled against his shoulder but he can still hear her loud and clear. "He tried to rape me, Callen."

He knows. That thought alone is enough to make him want to kill Jack with his bare-hands. But that's not what matters right now. His little sister is broken and it's his job to help her. "But he didn't because you were strong enough to push him away. You didn't use the usual means but you managed to scream for help. You saved yourself!"

Her sobs eventually dry out and she lifts her head from his shoulder. She looks around and sees that the blonde man that has been keeping her company for the past few weeks is nowhere to be seen. "Where's Deeks?"

Callen chooses to answer her question with another question. "You still can't remember him?"

She shakes her head, unable to hide how much that hurts her and how much she desperately wants to remember him. "I can't. Where is he?"

Callen lets go of her, figuring that she's calmer now. "He left."

The fear and hurt that crosses her eyes, makes him frown but her next words show him a vulnerability that doesn't match the Kensi he knows. "He thinks I'm weak…"

Callen grabs her arm gently and she meets his eyes. "Kensi, Deeks knows how strong you are. He left because he's pissed and probably feels like killing Jack right now because of what that son-of-a-bitch did to you."

And, just like that, she's back to her usual strong-self and all those emotions are transformed into worry. "We need to find Deeks. I don't want him to go to jail."

But Callen doesn't let go of her arm and guides her to the couch. "We're going to stay right here. Sam can handle this one."

Kensi doesn't put up much of a fight because the truth is that she doesn't even remember him. She should allow someone who knows him to handle this.

**X**

Sam finds Deeks outside, next to the cars and pacing around in front of his own car. He walks up to the furious man and stands in front of him. "Take a deep breath, Deeks."

Deeks is beyond angry and Sam's words do nothing to calm him down. In fact, he snaps. "Did you hear that? Did you hear what he did to her?"

Sam remains calm, understanding what's going on through his mind and knowing there's not much he can say to help him get through this one. "You need to calm down…"

Deeks doesn't even try to calm down. He keeps yelling, a way to release some of this fury without punching anyone. "He tried to rape her. He drugged her and took her to a motel room so he could rape her. And when she screamed he hit her on the head with a freaking lamp!"

Sam tries to be the voice of reason but he's not used to this. He's used to being Callen's conscience. Being Deeks conscience is usually Kensi's job. But she's not here and she can't remember him. He has to be the one to handle this, as much as he hates it. "I heard that too but we have him on custody."

Deeks calms down a bit but his fists are still clenched, his eyes still showing his fury. However, he stops yelling and Sam takes that as a good sign. Bit his next words make him change his mind. "I want to kill him!"

Sam knows it's a low-blow but it's the only thing he can think of that can make Deeks focus on what really matters at the moment. "Your partner needs you by her side, Deeks."

Deeks shakes his head but Sam can tell he's calming down. "My partner needs me to kill that bastard."

Sam tries one last time and sees how Deeks visibly calms down when he says his last sentence. "She just remembered something awful that happened to her. She needs you to take care of her like only you can. You're not a bad guy. Go back to her side and be there for Kensi. She needs you, Deeks."

And, just like that, Deeks takes a deep breath that calms him down and goes back inside, followed by a relieved Sam.

As soon as he gets inside, Callen looks at him. "Are you calmer?"

Deeks nods and walks to the couch, standing in front of Kensi. "I'm fine. How are you, Kensi?"

Kensi gets up and gives him a small smile, meant to show him that she's okay. "Can we go to the beach?"

He nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "If that's what you want, we can go."

She grabs his hand and nods. "I want to go to the beach with you…"

Deeks gives her hand a light squeeze and pulls her along with him as he starts walking. "Let's go, then."

Sam reassures them both before they leave the bullpen. "We'll take care of Jack."

Kensi nods, the soft smile still on her face to try to calm them all down and show them that she's okay, considering the situation. "I know you will."

Callen throws in one last sentence, directed towards Deeks. "Take care of her."

Deeks nods. "You know I will."

And, with that, they go to the beach together.

**Just one more chapter to go and I actually feel sad with that. This story has been my baby lately and I'm kind of proud of how it's turning out. But that's life, I guess. This story is coming to an end but there are more new stories to come, sequels of stories I never thought about writing and a bunch of one-shots. **

**Reviews are, as always, highly appreciated. But, even if you don't want to go through all that trouble to let me know what you think, I can still see in the traffic stats of the story that many people are reading it. It means a lot to know that.**

**I will post the last chapter as soon as I can. **

**Love,  
>Sarah<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**The End **

They're in the beach, his safe place.

This is what he loves, the place that always manages to somewhat soothe him.

However, today is not like any other day. Today, he had to listen as Kensi told them what happened that night. The urge to beat the crap out of Jack is almost more than what he can take but he keeps it at bay for her. He manages to stay strong for her.

Because Marty Deeks may not know much but he knows when his partner needs him. He knows when to be there for the woman he loves, even if she can't remember him at the moment. Callen told him she is one step closer every single day and believing in that is what makes him keep going with a smile on his face.

Kensi is the woman he would do anything for, after all. He's not going to walk away just because of a memory loss. He's going to keep being there for her, even if it kills him when she doesn't remember his favorite show or favorite ice cream flavor. Nothing can drag him away from her.

And that's probably why he's feeling so unease at the moment.

They're at the beach, he's all geared up to go surf but there's something holding him back. The thought of leaving her there alone, sitting on the sand, doesn't allow him to fully enjoy this.

Deeks turns to her one more time and sighs. "Are you sure about this?"

Kensi smiles, her features a lot more relaxed now that she finally remembered what happened on the night that made her lose her memory. "Deeks, I'm fine."

He sits next to her, on the towel, and rubs her arm in a soothing manner, even though he seems to be more nervous than what she is. "You've said that before but I don't have to surf. I can sit here on the sand with you. It's not a problem."

Kensi turns to him and shakes her head, the smile not leaving her face. "I would like to see you surf. Have I ever seen you surf?"

He knows there is no point arguing with her. He can see it in her eyes that her mind is made up. She's not going to allow him to sit there instead of going surfing. "Yes, you've seen me surf before. Here, hold onto my phone for me."

With that, he gets up and grabs his surfboard. Kensi's smile gets bigger now that she knows she has won this fight. "Have fun!"

Deeks bends down, kisses the top of her head and starts walking towards the water after throwing one last sentence in her direction. "I'll be right back…"

Kensi nods and watches him go. For the first few minutes, she watches him surf. The way he moves is kind of hypnotizing and she seems unable to drag her eyes away from the waves. But then curiosity gets the best of her and she grabs his phone.

She doesn't want to invade his privacy but she desperately wants to know more about him, about _them._ And she is willing to do pretty much anything to find out more.

Kensi starts scanning through his pictures. He has some of Monty, three of a beautiful sunset, a few she can't really identify and many of her. If these pictures were in any other person's phone, she would probably think the guy was stalking her. But Deeks is a good guy, she can tell. And there's nothing out of ordinary in the pictures.

There is one, however, that makes her freeze while looking at the screen. It's a picture of her, a huge smile on her face and a white shirt with the word 'Fern' written on it.

She can't look away.

Hell, she doesn't want to look away.

That's how Deeks finds her. She's holding his phone and has a blank look on her face.

He starts worrying right away and puts his surfboard down, regretting this whole afternoon. They should have just gone home.

"Are you okay?"

Just like that, Kensi snaps out of her trance and gets up in a flash, so fast that she startles him. And she's starts talking right away, looking him in the eye, with a smile on her face and his phone in her hands.

"You gave me this shirt for my birthday. You said you didn't know what to buy Wonder Woman so you decided to get me a shirt with my name on it. I laughed when I saw the name you were talking about was Fern. I hugged you and told you it was perfect. Then we went to your house. You had my favorite ice cream on the freezer, beer on the fridge and my favorite movies on your living room. We stayed cuddled on the couch all night. I knew you wanted to kiss me but you didn't because you didn't know how I would react. You respected me enough not to do anything. That night, after you drove me home, I realized that I was in love with you, the man who treats me like a princess one minute and calls me Fern or Kiki on the next one. I love you, Marty."

Deeks grabs her around the waist and, before she has the time to react, their lips are connected. He kisses her passionately, just like he has wanted to do for so long now. She kisses him back, pouring all her emotions into that kiss. This is what they both needed, what they both craved. And now it's finally happening.

If someone once told him that an accident, a loss of memory and a crazy ex could lead to this, he would have said it was impossible. But here they are. And nothing has ever felt this right before.

When air becomes scarce, they pull back and Deeks looks her in the eyes. He's not sure of how he manages to speak.

Between breathing hard, the emotions clear in his every nerve ending and the way she feels against him, that task should have been impossible. Not to mention the huge grin on his face…Still, he talks. "Just to be clear, you remember everything, right?"

Kensi pecks him on the lips and hugs him, not caring about the way his wet body is soaking her clothes. "Yes, I remember everything."

Deeks twirls her around, making her laugh. And, when he sets her down, he finally says the words he's been wanting to for so long. "I love you too, princess!"

**X**

Two days later, Deeks finally convinces Callen and Sam that he's calm enough to handle a conversation with Jack. He no longer wants to beat the crap out of him. Callen and Sam are pretty sure that has something to do with his 'thing' with Kensi but, regardless of that, they allow him to have a two-minute conversation with her ex-fiancé.

He walks in and sits across from Jack, a well-built man with dark hair, dark eyes and handcuffs on his wrists. "Do you know who I am?"

Jack doesn't hide his anger but there's not much he can do in his position besides yelling. "You're the guy who's been screwing my girl!"

Deeks keeps his cool, knowing this guy doesn't deserve his anger. "First of all, she stopped being your girl the day you walked out on her."

Jack shakes his head but keeps yelling. "I did what I thought was best and I have no regrets."

Deeks shrugs and grins. "Well, here's the problem. She's my girl now and if you ever lay a finger on her again I'll make sure no one ever finds your body. You might be a former marine but no one hurts the woman I love and gets away with it. For now, you're going to jail. You drugged a federal agent, tried to rape her and assaulted her. I hope you drop your soap many, many times. It was nice talking to you."

With that, Deeks walks out of the room and into Kensi's open arms. Life is good.

**The beginning….**

**X **

**This was the final chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**So, what do you say? Can I know your opinion about this story and this chapter one last time?**

**Love all of you who stood by me as I brought this story to life and hope to see you around in my other stories…**

**Sarah**


End file.
